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10 Insights on How to Deal with Irrational People

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This presentation consists of highlights from the interview with Moe Abdou, founder & host of 33voices®.


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Mark Goulston “People Hacker” @markgoulston Over his career as an organizational consultant, relationship counselor, and hostage-negotiation trainer, Mark Goulston has found what works, consistently, to reach all kinds of people in any type of situation. What it comes down to is “Daring to Care” which is the mission of the global community Heartfelt Leadership that he co-founded.


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Insight #1 To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There are four ways that people can be irrational:


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Insight #1 To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There are four ways that people can be irrational: They can’t see the world clearly


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Insight #1 To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There are four ways that people can be irrational: They make decisions and take actions that aren’t in their best interest


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Insight #1 To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There are four ways that people can be irrational: They say or think things that make no sense


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Insight #1 To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There are four ways that people can be irrational: They become downright impossible when you try to guide them back to the side of reason


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Insight #2 When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how:


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Insight #2 When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how: Listen intently and let them finish their rant


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Insight #2 When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how: Pause for two to four seconds while looking them in the eye


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Insight #2 When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how: Identify the most inflammatory words that they’ve said


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Insight #2 When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how: Then, lean in and reiterate those fiery words “tell me more about ____ because that sounds awful.”


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Insight #2 When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how: End by asking them to “tell {me} about the worst that {I} can be”


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Insight #3 It’s important to note that when someone is getting emotional or verbally aggressive, it’s likely that they’re trying to get something off their chest before they act on it; acknowledge it and find the truth in what they’re saying.


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Insight #4 When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay calm and listen with the intent to understand:


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Insight #4 When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay calm and listen with the intent to understand: Maintain eye contact


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Insight #4 When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay calm and listen with the intent to understand: Pause for two to four seconds


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Insight #4 When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay calm and listen with the intent to understand: Lean in while saying “I can see that you’re really frustrated/disappointed with me about ____, please elaborate”


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Insight #4 When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay calm and listen with the intent to understand: Let them finish and end by asking “given that all this has happened, what’s the best outcome here for us so we can start moving towards it ____. What’s the first step.”


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Insight #5 Next time you find yourself getting tangled in the web of irrationality, pause and remember this equation: Aggression + Principle = Conviction Aggression - Principle = hostility Be unflappable, but not inscrutable


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Insight #6 Assertive Humility Next time you find yourself in a conversation where someone is continually replaying the past, try this: “I need to stop you because I need your help with something. When you continually bring up stuff that’s already happened, it lessens my motivation to help you and I’m having trouble holding onto my motivation to help you, so, let’s discuss how we move forward.“


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Insight #7 Next time you’re discussing your credentials with your boss or a potential employer, stay away from clarifying roles and responsibilities, and opt instead to discuss accountability. Ask, “What is it that I’m accountable for?”


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Insight #8 Before your next critical meeting or conversation, try leading with this question: Before we get started, what would the best possible outcome of our conversation look like for you?


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Insight #9 Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities that make Pope Francis beloved:


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Insight #9 Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities that make Pope Francis beloved: He can be trusted to not hurt you


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Insight #9 Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities that make Pope Francis beloved: He can be trusted to not disappoint you


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Insight #9 Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities that make Pope Francis beloved: He engenders confidence that he will do what he says he’ll do


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Insight #9 Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities that make Pope Francis beloved: He shares his beliefs without making you wrong


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Insight #10 Stop avoiding difficult conversation and watch your self-worth soar, for when you can see a way to handle such a dialogue, your will to deal with it will emerge.


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Reflect: What role does silence play in your life? tweet us!


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Get the book


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If you have a question, submit it to 33voices Q&A for a direct answer from one of our founders or thought leaders.


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CONNECT WITH US! Tell us what you think Jenna@33voices.com Presentation created by Chase Jennings Insights by Moe Abdou


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LEARN MORE


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